Love Lost, Love Can Be Found

Sometimes I think about the decisions that have brought me to this point and made me who I am, good or bad.

I regret some of them, I hate some of them but I don't regret them. The thing is I have a huge trust issue. I can trace it back to the two relationships I held most dear.

My college boyfriend left me full of regret and heartbroken. There was nothing quite remarkable about him. He wasn't a stud. He wasn't much of anything. He turned out to be the first guy that I thought I loved. I realize now that I didn't truly know what love was. Things were somewhat tumultuous. It was fun and new and I loved being in love. We dated for 6 months and I ended things after figuring out that he was anything but honest with me. I may have ended it but it was more than difficult to get over. I had a bruised heart, broken spirit, and an inability to trust any guy that crossed my path.

The other guy was proverbial 'one that got away', it took months for me for realize that it was good that I didn't have anything with him. We met my chance. I messaged him on MySpace. He lived in Denver and I was going to move there after graduation. He was into music and I wanted to see if it was a good place to move to for the industry. We hit it off and talked for months, started texting and video chatting on a semi regular basis. I fell hard and he told me nothing could happen unless we met. I totally agreed. Who knows what they are really like in person until you meet, right? He left Denver and moved to the coast. I moved to Denver like I had planned to start my post grad life. He was back in Denver for work 2 weeks after I had moved. I was excited to meet him and we had a blast. I got to spend some time in the studio with him and some friends, and we had lunch a few times and chatted. The terrible part was that he gave me a bear hug when I got out of my car and saw him in person for the first time, and then after I left the last day, what I didn't know was that it would be the last time we for months. We never had anything, we never would have anything and getting over that fact sent me into a devastation that would last months.

For months after, and the pain of him lingering, I slowly started to move past everything. I still hold on to my trust issues like its going out of style. But then you meet someone you undoes you, someone who makes you realize you can trust again, someone who will let you struggle but holds your hand the whole time, and maybe someone who might not understand why but doesn't hold that against you, you can your mind about how things can turn out. Not everyone is like them. And one person can change that opinion.